Once upon a time there was an old king whose dearest wish was that he would live long enough to see his young daughter grown up and happily married but he was already very old so it might not happen. However, his wish came true. He lived to be a very old man and his daughter grew up to be a fine young woman.
Now, in those days a young woman didn't usually have much say in who she married - her parents would arrange it all and then one day, out of the blue, they'd turn round and say "You're going to marry So-&-so," and however much she complained and said that he was spotty, or old or that she hated him that was that, there was no way out.
This king, however, loved his daughter very much and wanted to marry her to someone she'd be really happy with; someone of about her own age; someone who was fit and healthy and intelligent. It didn't matter whether he was rich or not because she'd have all the king's money once he died so he didn't have to be a prince. The king thought about it and he consulted his advisers and together they came up with a plan. They decided that they would hold a competition - an athletic competition, and the man who won would be awarded the princess's hand in marriage.
Now in their kingdom was a place called the Long Lake, which was just that, a long lake, so the king hit upon the idea of a swimming competition, not across the Long Lake, because anybody could do that, but right down the length of it. He sent out his messengers all over the kingdom to publicise this swimming competition, and into neighbouring kingdoms as well because he wanted everyone to have a chance so that his daughter really did get the right man, and just in case there might be the odd youth who didn't want to marry the princess they announced a choice of prizes: the winner could have the princess's hand in marriage (he was sure that was the prize they'd choose) but in case they didn't want that they could have half the kingdom, and in the unlikely case that they didn't want that either they could have as much gold as they could carry away in two carrier bags! So the messengers set out and announced the competition and that it would be held at 12 noon on the 1st August and they told everyone about the choice of prizes.
There was great excitement in the kingdom and when the 1st August came everybody flocked to the shores of the Long Lake - there were the young men who were going to swim in the competition; there were their friends and families who'd come to support them; there were all the other people who'd come to watch and there were the people selling fish and-chips and hot-dogs and coca-cola; there were jugglers and fire-eaters and even a few storytellers; in fact there was a whole great festival going on all morning until, just before noon, the heralds blew their trumpets and the king and the princess and all the advisers climbed up onto the platform. The people crowded round and the chief minister read out the rules. There weren't many, just that you had to wait until the king said "On your marks, get set, go..." and dropped his handkerchief - then you jumped in and swam as fast as you could. The winner would get the choice of the three prizes:- the princess's hand in marriage (he was sure that was the prize they'd choose) or half the kingdom, or as much gold as they could carry away in two carrier bags!
All the young men started to get ready; they were unbuttoning their coats and pulling their boots off and then the king said, "Oh yes, and by the way, just to make this more interesting I've recently stocked the lake with alligators!" Everyone stopped and looked round and, sure enough, that log in the water had little legs paddling away, and the old, dead tree trunk on the bank had eyes, and the more they looked the more of these alligators they saw and they were the biggest, meanest-looking alligators anyone had ever seen so, when the king said, "On your marks, get set, go..." and dropped his handkerchief - nothing happened! All the young men were busy buttoning up their coats and putting their boots back on. A groan went round the crowd and all the old men went into a huddle: 'That wouldn't have happened when we were young." they said. "We wouldn't have worried about a few alligators. We would have swum so fast they wouldn't have caught us, and if they did we would have wrestled with them, like Tarzan! They wouldn't have stood a chance. Young people today, not like when we were young... blah, blab, blah.... I blame computers myself, it's all this here Internet, it makes you soft! Too much fiddling with your joy-stick, I say... blab, blah, blab...."
And then there was a splash and there in the water was a young man swimming off up the lake, his arms going like windmills and his legs like a speedboat. Everyone cheered. He was one quarter of the way up the lake and the alligators had seen him; he was half way and all the alligators were sliding in; three-quarters and they were there, in a V-shaped formation, just behind him. Everyone was jumping up and down and yelling and cheering him on. Nine-tenths of the way up the lake and the leading alligator's jaws were open and... he jumped onto the shore just as they cramped shut and missed his heel by a hair's breadth! Everyone cheered and they all gathered round him and patted him on the back and congratulated him. They put a blanket round him and they led him back to the king who kissed him on both cheeks and said "Congratulations, you're the only one in the whole kingdom who was brave enough to jump in and swim up the lake with the alligators after you. Would you like to marry my daughter?
""No, I don't want that" said the young man, and everyone was really disappointed. 'then you must want half the kingdom?" said the king.
"No, I don't want that either." So thought the king, he's just a greedy man who wants the gold, what a waste of time.
"And I don't want the gold either" said the young man
Everyone was amazed
"Well, what do you want?" said the king, "You must want something or you wouldn't have jumped in and swum up the lake and braved the alligators."
"Yes" said the young man turning round and facing the assembled crowd.
"I do want something - I want to know which of you rotten so-and-sos pushed me in!"